Silence is Golden Sometimes
by DaniZaraki
Summary: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. With a temperamental baby around, I bet you the Akatsuki wish they had some. Rated T for Hidan's swearing. Four OC warning.


_Four OC warning._

_Don't read if you're not a fan of OCs, swearing, or babies.  
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_I don't own Naruto.  
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**First Person Alice!**

There some are things you just shouldn't do.

One of those things is take your temperamental, two-year-old baby boy to a quiet restaurant if you want a peaceful evening.

It's a good thing peaceful and Akatsuki don't go together.

I yawned with tired boredom as I walked beside Itachi through the tranquil streets of Konoha. Itachi had his arm wrapped around my waist while he discussed the Sharingan with Sasuke who stood on his other side. On my other side was Kisame and he held the newest addition to the Uchiha family.

Tiburon, without question, will forever be the cutest fucking baby ever.

He looked dead on like his father. The only difference was that his right eye was blue, just like mine.

He was riding on Kisame's shoulder, an adorable grin on his face because he was taller than everyone and Kisame would occasionally do some strange walking styles for his entertainment.

They were so cute together.

Behind us, Hidan and Deidara walked side by side, taking about random stuff. Deidara had Kathryn latched to his opposite side while Hidan had Sanaa resting in his arms. She was playing with his necklace.

Kakuzu and Sasori stood on Hidan's other side respectively and they were engaged in a conversation about the organization and what we would do to make more money while still keeping up our dangerous image.

Pein and Konan were walking together behind the line of morons plus Sanaa and they were silent, not needing to talk about anything. Instead, they held hands when they thought no one was looking.

I'm always looking.

"We're here." Sasuke announced, breaking off the conversation with Itachi and killing my train of thought.

I looked over it before crossing my arms. "I've seen better."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Come on."

We walked inside and I threw a tantrum on the host there when he said something about Sable not being allowed inside. The owner, who had been called to deal with me, eventually gave in when he realized who we were.

Intimidation factors for the win.

Soon enough, we were placed in a private corner with a table big enough to fit all twelve of us plus two babies and a wolf. Were served our drinks in due time before being left to look over the menu for a bit.

"What do you want, baby?" I asked, poking the chubby cheek of my baby. He sat between Kisame and I and was currently trying to color on Kisame with one of his crayons. Unfortunately, he couldn't make Kisame bluer with his blue crayon.

Tiburon looked around at me. "Dango."

I shook my head. "No dessert for dinner. What do you want to eat?"

He pouted. "Dango."

"Want ramen?" I asked hopefully. He never ate food if he was already set on dango unless it was ramen. My ramen was much healthier than this place's would be, but that's because I prepare mine for a baby, not for people.

He nodded enthusiastically.

"Ramen it is, then." I smiled, kissing his cheek. He hugged my face before planting a kiss on mine.

"You spoil him." Sasori pointed out, having already decided on getting Sanaa much healthier food. Sanaa, meanwhile, was too busy making imprints on Hidan's skin with his necklace. She, unlike Tiburon, was sitting on someone's lap instead of a highchair.

"He's allowed to be spoiled when we go to a restaurant. At home, I never spoil him." I stated. "It's not like we get to go out often."

Konan smiled. "She does have a point, Sasori."

Sasori shrugged. "I still say you spoil him."

"No one asked you." I pointed out. "Just sit there like a doll should and be quiet."

"Oi!" Hidan barked. "Don't eat that brat!" He took his necklace from Sanaa's mouth gently. "Bad Sanaa! Don't eat my fucking rosary." Sanaa pouted at the scolding, looking like she was going to cry. Hidan sighed and gave it back to her, melting under her pout. "You can look at it, just don't fucking eat it. Your puppet fucker would kill me if you started shitting metal."

"Such a wonderful mental image." Kakuzu said, rolling his eyes.

Deidara punched Hidan from his spot beside the Jashinist before snatching his baby from him. "Don't cuss around my baby, un."

"I'll cuss around whoever I fucking want to." Hidan snarled.

Sanaa giggled and grabbed a fistful of Deidara's hair, happy to be with her father.

"Fuck!" Tiburon said cheerfully.

Hidan paled when my knife slammed into the wall behind his head.

Itachi put his hand over Tiburon's mouth. "No Tiburon. That's a bad word. You cannot say that."

Tibby cocked his head to the side. "No fuck?"

"No." Itachi stressed. "Bad word."

Tiburon pouted.

Our waiter came and took our orders, spending extra time flirting with Kathryn, Konan, and I before he let us be with our drinks. Kakuzu, me, Konan, Pein, Kisame, Zetsu, and Sasuke all got water. Kathryn and Itachi ordered tea while Deidara and Hidan ordered some cheap sake. Tiburon and Sanaa got chocolate milk.

Sasori, like always, got nothing.

"Tiburon, you're going to make a mess." Kisame scolded, taking Tiburon's milk away from him because he decided that making bubbles was the purpose of his beverage.

Tiburon glared. "Mine!"

"No Tibby." Kisame stated. "You can't play with your milk. You have to drink it."

Tiburon did not approve. "Mean Kisa." He crossed his arms and huffed.

Kisame sighed and withdrew Jaws from Jashin knows where and offered it to Tiburon. Tiburon's face lit up and he snatched his stuffed shark from Kisame, hugging it closely.

I smirked at Kisame. "You spoil him."

"No I don't." Kisame said with a pout. "I just don't like it when he's mad at me."

I kissed Tiburon's head. "Trust me, Kisame. Tiburon loves you far too much to ever be _mad_ at you. Frustrated? Yes."

Tibby turned in his seat and showed me Jaws. "Jaws, Mommy."

I smiled. "I see him. What do you say to Kisame?"

"Tanks, Kisa." Tiburon stated, holding out his arms to Kisame. Kisame took the hint and leaned closer to receive a thankful hug from Tiburon and a kiss on the cheek.

It was too fucking cute for words.

"That's adorable." Kathryn cooed. Sanaa, who was now sitting on Deidara's lap, was on the receiving end of Kathryn's attempt to contain her squeals about Tiburon and Kisame's bond. Kathryn showered Sanaa with kisses to hide her squeals.

It wasn't very effective because Sanaa enjoyed it so much that Kathryn squealed about her cuteness instead.

Sanaa just giggled before Deidara's excessively yellow hair caught her attention. She then occupied herself with playing peek-a-boo with Deidara's bangs. Deidara just grinned and egged her on.

I smiled. "Our kids are the best."

"You've got that right, un." Deidara agreed before swooping forward to kiss Sanaa's cheek. She just squealed with delight and tried eating his nose.

"Shit!"

All of us looked to Tiburon who had dropped Jaws. He was glaring at the floor like it had stolen the toy from him.

"Tiburon!" Konan scolded as Kisame picked up the shark to hand it back to Tibby.

"Tanks Kisa!" Tiburon said cheerfully.

Hidan burst out laughing. "I love that little shit!"

"This is your fault!" Konan said dramatically. "Tibby, you can't say words like that."

Tiburon cocked his head to the side. "No?"

"No." Konan nodded. "No saying bad words."

Tiburon pouted. "Sorry Konan."

"Awe." Konan whined. "He's so precious!" She looked at me and Itachi when I kissed Tiburon and Itachi chuckled. "Where did you get such a cute baby?"

"E-bay." Itachi retorted calmly, taking a drink of his heavily sweetened tea without even looking at her.

Everyone around the table started laughing. None of them had expected the usually serious Itachi to say something like that. I just smirked before sending Hidan a glare. "Stop teaching my kid bad words."

"Fuck you, Ice Bitch." Hidan retorted. "I'll do whatever the hell I want."

Tiburon glared at him. "Bad Hidan-oji!"

"Bad Tibby!" Hidan shot back.

"Asshole." Tiburon barked.

Hidan grinned. "Shithead!"

"Dick!" Tiburon retorted.

I sighed. "Kakuzu."

Kakuzu slammed Hidan's head into the table while I covered Tiburon's mouth. "No, Tiburon. That's bad."

"Sorry Mommy." He reached for me with a sorry pout so I was forced to pull him from his highchair and set him on my lap.

He seemed content, resting his head against my shoulder while holding Jaws.

"Our food is here." Itachi pointed out after a few minutes of conversation. "Why don't you put him back so you can eat?"

"Because he'll throw a fit." I deadpanned.

Tiburon looked between us before hitting Itachi lightly with Jaws. He giggled when Itachi narrowed his eyes at him. "Daddy." He extended his hands from Itachi.

Itachi sighed and took him from me as the waiter began distributing our food. Tiburon was passed back to me when he pointed at his ramen and I put his back in his chair so he could eat.

Turns out he just wanted to piss Hidan off.

Tiburon stared at his food for a minute before grabbing a piece of fruit. He stared at the chunk in his hand before launching it at Hidan's face. It landed on his plate, startling him. Sighing, he jabbed his chopsticks into it and held it up. "Tiburon, you fucking brat."

Kisame, Deidara, Kathryn, and Zetsu started laughing. Kakuzu chuckled and Sasuke smirked a bit. Sable howled and climbed on Hidan's lap to lick his face and steal the thrown food.

"Tiburon, no throwing food." Pein scolded. "That isn't nice." Tiburon gazed at him for a minute before Sanaa threw food at him. Pein dodged it and stared at Sanaa. "No Sanaa." Tiburon giggled and smiled at Sanaa. She grinned back.

"They're totally plotting against us right now." Kisame laughed.

"It's a good thing we have Sable." Kathryn pointed out, gesturing at Sable who was cleaning up the thrown food. "She's cleaning up the mess for us."

Sasori sighed. "Sanaa, throw food one more time, and you're going to be in trouble."

Sanaa looked at him and pouted. "No."

"No." Sasori agreed. "No throwing food."

Sanaa sighed and poked at her food sadly. Tiburon pouted when he saw Sanaa's pouting expression and stared at the cause.

"Awe, you hurt her feelings, un." Deidara said with a laugh. "You're mean Danna, yeah."

"She can deal with it." Sasori said firmly. "That's how she learns." His eyebrow twitched when Tiburon hit him in the face with food. "I'll kill that brat." Sanaa stared at Sasori with wide eyes.

Zetsu's black half laughed. "**I guess that means he doesn't like it when you're mean to Sanaa.** He's a good friend."

"That's what you get asshole!" Hidan said, laughing at Sasori.

Itachi grabbed Tiburon's hand. "No Tiburon. Do not throw food."

Tiburon dropped the food he was getting ready to throw and glared at Sasori instead.

"Eat your dinner Tiburon. Do not throw it." Itachi ordered calmly.

Tiburon obeyed and returned to eating his meal.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "He might look exactly like you, Itachi, but his likeness to Alice in personality is ominous.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I smirked, looking at Sasuke.

"I would consider it an insult." Sasori countered.

"So is your face." I retorted. "Shut up or I'll sick my son on you."

Our sarcasm battled ended before it began because of the glares we received from the people around us. So, we sighed, made a temporary truce and Sasori let me eat with the rest of the real boys and girls of the Akatsuki.

Unfortunately, when people eat, things become quiet with the lack of conversation.

Tiburon does not like that apparently.

The restaurant, which was typically filled with the hum of conversation from the patrons, had quieted substantially when our table and a number of other tables stopped talking to eat. Now the joint was fairly quiet with the exception of the commotion from the kitchen.

At least, until an bloodcurdling scream erupted from the two-year-old beside me.

Sable threw back her head and howled in unison with him, much to the displeasure of everyone in the restaurant.

"Holy shit!" Hidan yelped, covering his ears.

I covered Tiburon's mouth to stop him from potentially screaming again while Sasuke hushed Sable. Tibby started giggling under my hand, pleased that now everyone had stopped eating to demand what the hell just happened.

"What the hell just happened?" Kakuzu growled, rubbing his ears.

See? I told you so.

"Tiburon doesn't seem to like the quiet." Kisame said, fighting back tears caused by the pain from his now bleeding eardrums.

Sanaa squealed excitedly and laughed at Tiburon while Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn all nursed their ears and the inevitable migraine Tiburon scream caused.

"No, Tiburon." I scolded seriously. "No."

He just beamed at me.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I won't be surprised if I have internal damage from that."

"I'm surprised he didn't shatter the glasses." Sasuke deadpanned.

"For some reason, I feel like he did that just to make nose. **Or to piss people off. Either way, he's just like Alice.**" Zetsu stated.

"No, Alice likes the quiet." Sasori grunted. "But she does like to piss people off." He sighed. "Hopefully you guys can eat and talk at the same time because I do _not_ want him to scream like that again."

I smiled and kissed the side of Tiburon's head. "That's my boy."

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_I actually used to do that when I was little:)_

_Just something I did while I was bored. I thought you guys might want to read it.  
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_I wrote it in like fifteen minutes so excuse any typos and grammatical errors please.  
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